So, What's Next for the Gaylers?

Matt spoke with the monitor yesterday! If you're wondering...the monitor is the Marine's job placement specialist. They balance a Marine's desired duty station with the needs of the Marine Corps and job openings.

We've been anxiously anticipating this talk to get a better idea of where we'll be going from here. Wow, loaded words. Are you wanting to skip ahead through all my gobble-goop to the good part where I tell you where we're going and when? Well, I'll save you the agony. A lot is still up in the air. It's the Marine Corps after all!

There are a ton of positions open near our house up north. He's the first to apply, so it's looking good! When we get orders (which he will be due up for in the Summer), we should be headed the direction we hoped. We have all 3 bases selected as first choices. Something is bound to end up planting us back in that area. Sounds good, right?

It did until I heard the part about the timing...and I had a small panic attack. There's a chance we could be moving before the baby was born...in the Spring. (Which is not the Summer. Which I didn't plan for at all).

What does this mean? Back to the drawing board with prenatal care...trying to settle in with 2 kids and a big belly in the way. Not exactly my idea of fun, let me tell you. After all, I have had this all figured out and planned out to little brother's arrival. UGH! I never really plan anything, so when I do...it's supposed to go my way. UGH!

So I got mad at Matt. How come he didn't tell the monitor we don't want orders until after the baby is born?! I refuse to move. I'll just stay here and have the baby at the Birth Center while he's up there, and then we can all move when I'm feeling like myself again, and we settle into a routine with the baby. Hello! The world revolves around me!!

If you're not military trust me when I say, I am 100% SOLD OUT to following Matt whenever and wherever he goes. I KNOW the military offers no guarantees and a lot of unknowns. Even with this knowledge and acceptance, I'm still human, and still like to have the occasional panic attack when things don't go how I thought they would go! (I really thought since he wasn't "up" for orders until the Summer, it would be safe to think things out at least until baby came).

I had a conversation with two of my friends that said words that stung deeply. "It will be fine no matter what." This stung because I didn't want to be fine. I was having a panic attack, which sounded like a much better idea at the time. And I know the verse, "Don't worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself," but it doesn't say that I can't over-analyze, come up with possible scenarios, and completely blow a gasket about my plans not coming through. That's not technically worrying about it, right?

I'm going to thank those friends for knocking sense into me and not joining my pity party. Even though it seems like the nice thing to do, please stop attending pity parties. It's not rude to just say you're busy and have other things to do like be positive and smile. :) Anyway, thank you for not attending my party.

This morning I still woke up grumpy, and had more sense knocked into me. IT WILL BE FINE.

And, I gave myself permission to really believe that circumstances are just circumstantial. How I define what is "good" and what is "bad" really doesn't matter at all. I can choose to be happy, no matter what!

One of my favorite verses, Jer. 29:11 is a constant reminder to me, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"

Nowhere in there did He promise things would go my way. Or that they would be "good." He says He gives hope and a future, and won't harm me. Thank you, Jesus!

More perspective...I heard something else this past week that has had me thinking ever since. "I hate it when people give God the credit for every little good thing." Yeah, me too. Doesn't this mean that I have certain things pigeonholed as God's benevolence, and others reserved for just "bad luck"? He's in charge of the universe, good and bad...and certainly holds a better definition of what those things really are...I will feel free to quit defining every moment and event in my life.

God doesn't only do things I can explain, and he's not confined by "reality." Certainly, not my reality.

Which brings me to one of my favorite quotes from the book, Son-Rise: The Miracle Continues (a book about a family's journey with autism), by Barry Neil Kaufman. "But suppose, just suppose, we obliterate what we think we should see and make up the wonder and beauty. Pie-in-the-sky? Unrealistic? You bet! We'll never beat the odds and marry our dreams unless we are decidedly unrealistic."

So I'm going to be as unrealistic as I can think to be. I'm going to completely ignore the fact that there's an invisible time-table on my location and the course of our family's future! I'm going to be even more unrealistic and not try to plan for all the possibilities. While I'm at it, I'm going to unrealistically assume that I don't actually know what I want and what's best!

--End panic attack here.--

I know none of this impacts what's actually happened...or what's going to happen. But I wanted to share it, because I know at some point we're all going through something, and want it to go differently. Give yourself permission to be unrealistic! You don't have to figure it out. Really!

So, what's next for the Gayler family? It really doesn't matter. We're already on our way, and it's going to be great! :)

P.S. Seriously, we know we're *probably* headed near our house again, and getting orders some time after January. This post was super helpful, wasn't it?