Zoe's One Year Letter

Dear Zoe,

Happy first birthday! You're a perfect combination of cuteness and toughness that brings so much joy to all of us! I'm so glad you joined our family a year ago today, and can't believe the time went by so fast!

A year ago, when we caught the first glimpse of your little red head, we couldn't believe the amazing gift of a precious little girl! There is so much to capture in a letter, and it will still only be a fraction of my expression of love and amazement at the wonderful little person you are!

Daddy named you our little goat because the very first noise you made for us sounded like a little bleating. This cry came many hours after you were born (we wondered when on earth you would cry!), and we loved you so much for your quiet, unique little noise. We looked at each other and laughed that such a precious little bundle could make such a precious little sound. We joked that we wouldn't find humor in this long when you discovered how to cry...but really, you didn't cry much at all. Well, as long as you were full.

Being a goat, you eat anything and everything, and a lot of it. From the beginning, you ate a lot. Really. A LOT. And, you chose to wean yourself. One day, I offered you another feeding, and you made a face at me and pushed me away. You were ready to move on from mommy's milk to only food. I knew this was coming, because you only requested me when you were hungry, and for comfort chose to suck on your thumb and pull your ear.

Speaking of that cute little gesture, that's how we know you are tired or anxious. In the beginning, as soon as we saw this signal, we could lay you down, and without so much as a peep, you would be asleep within minutes. You only needed the comfort of your own space to fall asleep after the first couple of months, but still enjoyed waking up next to us until about 10 months. Considering that you would not stay on the bed any more, and would wake up and decide to explore, we had to move you to the crib. You only cried a little bit on one night. From that point forward, you would sometimes even reach for your bed when you were tired.

You and Ian still share a bedroom, and perhaps this is why it really was not a big deal to move into your own bed. Every morning, you two are the most precious thing a parent could hear. You talk, laugh, and have a wonderful time as you greet the new day. I love to hear you two together. I wish I could take a picture of those beautiful first moments of the days.

Of course, I have taken probably a thousand pictures that capture all the new things you can do, and many cute moments over the past year. You don't seem to mind the camera at all. You do like pictures, though, and you have started carrying around a little photo album with you wherever you go. Even though you share milestones with all the other little people your age, you did them faster, and with more determination. You have a fire and a passion for life! (A little bit like your Daddy).

If I had a nickel to give you for every time someone said you looked just like your Daddy...college, your first car, home, and beyond would be paid in full. Yes, I admit, you do quite favor your Daddy. It's not just your outward appearance, but that drive and determination.

You are so determined to conquer the world around you. From the very first day, you held your head up, and looked around at the world with intelligent eyes. I don't think you've ever thought of things like a baby. You certainly didn't look at us like a lost little newborn. A woman at your Aunt Krista's wedding (when you were about 2 months old) commented that she had never seen a baby look so long and intently into a person's eyes. You won almost every staring contest we had. As much as I enjoyed looking into your eyes, you outlasted me! You have a spark and life to those eyes that understands so much. You know exactly what you're after. I admire you for this quality!

As soon as you could, you crawled away. You were ready to do this from the day you were born, you just needed your body to get with the program. In fact, it was kind of hard to believe you were learning for the first time, because you are so coordinated, your body moves exactly as you intend for it to move. You definitely did not get your coordination from your Mommy. At your 9 month check-up, the doctor didn't believe you could walk. She thought you were toddling at best. I wish I had a camera for you to see how wide her eyes were as she watched you practically run across the exam room! She joked that you just wanted to keep up with your very active brother.

Perhaps your love for him was indeed pushing you on to these things. Ian was the first person you chose to show your beautiful smile to, and the first one you reached out to touch with purpose. He fascinates you and appears to be your favorite person in the world. Now that he is big enough to help you eat, I think you two could be perfectly happy together without much help (except for the whole toy-sharing business). You adore him, look up to him, and want to do absolutely everything he does when we're at home, and many times away from it.

The feeling is mutual. He loves and adores you. The very first day you came home, he brought you all of his favorite toys. One by one, he laid them next to you and showed them to you. He kissed your little head, and he called you his baby. He wanted to wear little bows like you, and curl up next to you. He tenderly brought you blankets and toys, and stretched little fingers to gently touch you (as his patience allowed). He discovered that to make you smile, he would kiss your little fingers one by one. This was almost painfully cute to watch, but soon turned into him biting your fingers. I was aghast, but it was so hard to reprimand him, because you laughed so hard! In fact, you continue to keep sticking your fingers in his mouth and drive me crazy! You want him to bite your fingers!

He wanted to crawl all over you and wrestle with you too and we had to stop him at that level, but I know every day you're getting closer to being able to take him on, and I imagine you'll find this hilarious too! One day not so long ago, Ian pushed you down while he was eating at a little picnic table in the kitchen. You squawked at him (you don't cry very often), and walked away for a moment. Then, when he wasn't looking, you walked behind him and pulled him completely onto the floor by the collar of his shirt and sat on his face! Oh, yes, you love your brother, but you also won't put up with his nonsense.

Just like your brother, your favorite toys are cars. I think Aunt Kathy (your birthday buddy) observed this first, that your noises were a car motor. I thought she was only being silly, but she was right. Anything with wheels fascinates you. I remember the first time you snatched a hot wheel from Ian's hand when he showed it to you. Pure bliss was on your face. I also remember when you discovered you could roll the car along the ground. With a squeal of delight, you quickly pushed it away and around the house. Now, you delight immensely in pushing a little stroller around. It's a very grown up thing to do. Sometimes, you'll put a baby in the stroller, but you're just as likely to push around a stroller full of cars. I know you can't wait to drive off and explore.

Everywhere we go, you are off in a new direction. You have no fear of the unknown, and eagerly pursue new environments without hesitation. Steps? No problem. You take immense pleasure in climbing up and down them, admiring the scenery from a higher and lower perspective. The same as you walk around the house with your head between your legs, looking at the world upside-down. You're very interested in viewing things from very far away from Mommy and Daddy too. You ignore us completely, but at least respond to your concerned brother with a squawk...as you continue to motor away. There's a big world out there, and you're going to see and touch it all.

This adventurous spirit doesn't extend to people, however. As certain and confident as you are of your physical abilities, your social endeavors are met with more reservations. I think you really want to know what a person is about before you let them bond to you. I admire this about you too, as your brother and I tend to open up to everyone without bias. You remind us that it's ok to have personal space.

Countless times, a well-intentioned baby admirer would come within inches of your face and make "cootchy coo" baby noises and faces. You would give them an unimpressed blank stare. Without so much as a twinge of appreciation, you would coldly stare at them and tense your body. They would continue their drive for approval, and you would continue to ward them off with eyes of steel. You smiled at me, if I was so kind as to shoo them away for you. Which I did. I've learned to appreciate your ability to size people up within moments of meeting them. With only a few exceptions, your favor and joy go out only to those that have proved themselves worthy of it. You speak to the heart of the matter.

Speaking...there's something you are trying desperately to do. A few words are very clear to us, "up," "shoes," (did I mention you LOVE shoes), "thank you" and "dada," but much of what you say is lost in a continuous stream of babble. I don't doubt that you know exactly what you're trying to say, and we just can't make it out. You look us directly in the eye, and unleash many words in an earnest, conversational tone. I wish I could understand! But, something you do tell us clearly and often is enough for me, "Love you."

I'm glad you love us so much. You and your Daddy love to scare me by being too rough. He throws you onto the bed right after your brother. He slings you up onto his shoulders, and high into the air. My favorite moments are reading with you. Instead of a page-by-page narrative, you flip through the pages quickly, and we go through them again. Quickly after the big picture, I'm learning to keep pace with your fast brain.

I could spend many hours writing of the person you are growing to be, Zoe. Your name means "life," and you truly embody that. You have a beautiful spirit of non-stop energy that captures those around you and leaves them amazed at your momentum! Isabelle means "Consecrated to God" and as you grow, I pray that you embody the virtues of that too. It's obvious that you are a specially created gift to us from Him. At only one year old, God has used the miracle of your life to touch many.

I know without a doubt that you are a strong-willed and beautiful person that will make up your very own mind about things. You'll explore the possibilities, you'll seek out the truth, you'll approach it from many angles, you might just talk to your brother about it, and you'll let us know what you have to say. I look forward to getting to know you more this year.

I love you beyond words, my beautiful, strong, and wonderful Zoe Isabelle Gayler. Happy first birthday!

Mommy